At some point he disappeared into the abyss, the vast blue.
Far from dry land.
There’s no coming back.
Why do we call the unpeopled places lonely?
I imagine him happily floating far out at sea, friends with the Wandering Albatross and the Little Tern.
With nothing solid to hold onto, in the vast fluid ocean, no specifics, no nameable object.
Gone is the whole catalogue of particular things.
If he ever touches land again, his strength will leave him and his bones will turn to dust.
I would cry but where does that leave us…Back here. Emotions are blunted by indifference.
Mute. Mum.
There was a time when he said that July was his least favourite month because of the lull in bird song.
That is such a specific thing, the sound of identifiable birds in time.
Empty that out
and that,
Along with every other thought
where do they go?
Some go into me
Some I have passed on to M, a new archiver of particular things
Others, into the great blue before and after
When I see him he is a shipwreck, a shatter of bones, strewn
Which is active, mind? body?
It feels like punishment to see him, like punishment to him, his being
And yet,
this too will pass.
And what do we learn?
Softness
Stillness
The feeling of time ebbing away
Drawn out, last breaths
in
out
years pass
Maybe we learn how to be with the dead,
that the dead never leave us
the raw life giving love fuels us in everything we do
on a rock
with feeling layers
its beautiful
because it hurts